I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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