Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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