I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
