My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
