she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
