epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
