I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
