You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
