ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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