i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
