I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
