He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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