so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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