i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
where am i from again
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
