Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
