Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize