i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
