I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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