So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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