fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
