how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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