its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
