If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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