i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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