mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
from now on my penis is your penis
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
