This is not my ceiling
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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