It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
