Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize