I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
As shirtless as possible
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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