just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
