fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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