I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
