nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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