So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
