i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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