y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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