North Korea, Best Korea!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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