or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
