Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
