So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
