if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
