come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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