Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
