Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
