you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Watching her eat just hurts me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
