she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
