I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
