Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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