Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
