I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
