You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
