Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
