so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
