imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
