why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
