some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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