My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
