The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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