my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
