If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
