What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
