Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize