Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
