the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
