he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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