Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
bring money and cleavage
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
