STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize