Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
