just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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