I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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