I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
