And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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