I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
