when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
